A long one....you should probably just skip to the end!

You think you may be seeing things but I assure you, you are not. I really am updating the blog. I figure its been about a year so I should. One of my friends recently made a post and she made a good point. I'm not good at writing things down in journals. I'm not good at writing down memories at all. So, this blog is my only record of feelings, memory's ect.

So, this post is mainly for me. For me to be able to look back and remember. This being one of the hardest years so far of my life, I know I will want to look back on this so that one day I can say.....I know now why I had these trials and I am glad I can look back and my memories and the feelings I had at that time. Considering I ever know WHY I have the trials I do in this life. So, here goes.

I don't remember a whole lot from August to December of last year (since I last posted) Probably because it just wasn't as memorable as this year. So, i'll just start from this year.

From almost the start of 2010 i've had health issue after health issue. My health just seems to be gradually declining every month. And every month I tell myself that I can't keep doing this, I can't keep being sick everyday. I am done. But, every month I seem to get something else happen to me. Maybe once I accept that this is my new life and not be so negative about it then i'll start getting better. Who knows.

I live with chronic pain. Chronic pelvic and low back pain. I have a bladder disease called intersticial cystitis. For most people they actually really don't know their they're bladder exist unless they have to pee right? Well, I am reminded on a daily basis that I have one and its painful. If I eat the wrong thing, stress out to much, sit for to long, stand for to long I end up in a full on flare where my bladder feels like its on fire. I also feel like I constantly have a bladder infection. If you've ever had one you know what thats like. That's something that isn't necessarily new per say (I was diagnosed in 2007) but, has definately gotten 30 times worse this year. I also have endometriosis, which i'm sure is pretty familar to most. Endometriosis grows on everything in your lower abdominal, pelvic region. It CAN cause very painful periods, infertility, and chronic pelvic pain. Anyway, now that I have spilled those guts everywhere I will continue

In late January my short term insurance policy was up. I needed to renew but, couldn't find anyone who would take me. And the only insurance company that would accept me wanted me to pay a $13,000 condition specific deductible for my endometriosis(so basically if I had issues or surgery for that I had to pay that deductible) THEN if I had a$ 9,000 additional co pay for anything related to my kidney's and a $7,000 separate deductible for anything related to my bladder. So, basically I didn't have insurance. I may as well just be paying out of pocket right? At that time I decided that it would best to go full time at jetblue for the insurance. I really had no other choice if I wanted doctor care. Which I so desperately needed. So, I started full time and my insurance started Febuary 1st.

In late January I started to feel like I had kidney stones kidney stones. My pain was getting so bad that I decided it was time to go get a cat scan. My cat scan showed kidney stones AND gall stones. I thought seriously, I'm already dealing with periods every 2 weeks for some unknown reason migraines everytime that happens plus my bladder pain could my health possibly get worse? So, the kidney stones were small enough to pass and the gall stones would eventually cause issues if they were blocking anything. I decided that I didn't want to end up in the emergency room so I scheduled a time to get it out. Sure enough as the day got close I was really feeling those gall stones. Almost a month to the day after I had that removed I started feeling alot of pain in my back again. This time it was different. It wasn't like kidney stones. It started on a Friday night and I kept ignoring it. It gradually got worse. Saturday morning I cancelled my client and stayed in bed. It was bad. I ended up staying up the whole night in pain. Waited until the morning and told Richard I needed to go to the ER. I'm not one to just up and say take me to the ER I don't feel good, and I always wait way to long. They did another cat scan and said, you have another kidney stone. But, in addition to that you have a really really bad kidney infection. So, I was put on antibiotics. It was still really really bad on Monday. I was in alot of pain that no pain killers were helping. I called my doctor who told me to go back to the hospital. There they set me up for in home nursing and I recieved IV antibiotics for 5 days. Then for 2 more weeks I was on more antibiotics. The months following I had more bladder infections so I continued to stay on antibiotics.

n addition to that, in May I had surgery that was to hopefully help my bladder feel somewhat better and I began going to a Physical Therapist to help my pain. After what seemed to feel like things were kinda calming down I decided that it was time to address my other issue which I won't discuss much of. Basically I wasn't having what you would call a regular digestive system and alot of stomach pain. Turns out I have a colon infection called C-Diff. I took my first round of antibiotics and thought my infection was gone. After that I went into my GYN and talked to him about my endometriosis. He had suggested that alot of my pain was coming from my endometriosis and that it might be best to go in and remove it with a laser which hadn't been done for about 5 years afterwards. So, thats what I did the beginning of this month. Turns out, there was alot of endometriosis alot more than normal. (as if this stuff was normal to begin with!!!) He also thinks there may be endo growing in places that he can't see. Lovely! A week after my surgery I began having alot of stomach pain. Lets just say the pain was so bad that i'd rather be in labor. After enduring it for 12 hours through the night I decided I really needed to go to the doctor. I waited till he was there and talked to my Gi doctor. He told me to immediately come in. I did.....and he was like Kerra, I appreciate that you came here first BUT, why are you here...go over to the emergency room now. After doing a cat scan and finding a stone in my appendix and after like 10 hours of sitting there they decided they wanted to admit me. That night while at the hopsital I found out that I still had C-diff. So, on to a second round of antibiotics and a colonoscopy the next morning. NOT FUN! Avoid it at ALL costs! Lets just say I didn't sleep for like 48 hours. They decided that the stone in my appendix wasn't the cause of my pain, it was the infection. But, I won't be surprised if I have to have my appendix removed within the year.

Anyway, i'm done with my second round of antibiotics and I'm pretty sure its still not gone. I have to test again but, if I do still have it, I have to see a infectious disease specialist....whatever that is! So, that about sums it up for my year as far as my crappy health goes. By the way, before we move on to better things to talk about, let me warn you all.

My C-diff was cause by antibiotics. If you ever are put on antibiotics be careful and take a probiotic which builds up your health bacteria after its been killed or else THIS might happen to you!

By the way, if you've made it this far I hope you realize NOW why I haven't posted in a while and i'm surprised you've even read this far!

As for our family, Richard started working for jetblue in March and is happy to be working for a good company. I celebrated my 24th birthday and Richard his 27th!

Phoenix is such a little boy now!! He turned 2 in April.

He has grown up so much and he is the light of my day everyday and my little buddy. We do everything together.

I would have never been able to get through this year without him or Richard. I love them both so much. Its amazing how much love that you can have. I never knew I could have so much love in my life until these 2 came into it. My wonderful husband works so hard for our family. Like this week. Tomorrow he will have worked 56 hours this week!!! Wednesday, he woke up at 5am to work a shift that he picked up for someone in trade because he took my birthday off! I love watching him and Phoenix together. I love wathcing the love in his eyes as him and Phoenix play together.

Although Phoenix has his moments and he does throw his tantrums he is getting easier and easier to take care of. He will sit for hours playing with his cars or his "choo choos". That kid has me wrapped around his little finger.
This year we also added an addition to our family. I'm sure most of you already know. Scott is a part of our family now. Scott is a Scottish Terrier and the most lovable little dog. And him and Phoenix are great buddies.
Scottie also knows when i'm sick and he is always following me around and laying beside me when he knows I don't feel good. Its pretty sweet.

He's also become Richard's running companion when scott can keep up with him that is :).

We have also begun to potty train Phoenix during the past couple of months and its been really fun. We are still working on it but, he has done SO great! I really can't say enough about that kid. He's spoiled.....thats for sure.
I'm sure there is more I want to say and I'm sure I will again....sometime ;) But, for now I'll leave it at that. Its been a really hard but good year for our family. Richard and I have grown together so much more than we thought we would have with the trials that we've gone through and I wouldn't trade THAT for anything! Although most days I think that Richard is having an equally hard time coping with my sickness as I am he is doing so great at it and he is always there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on, or to cry/laugh on because its almost become comical how many things can happen to us in one year. I love you Babe, or Puff Daddy, Honey, Rich....whatever the heck you want me to call you ;) Thank you for always being there for me.

If you've made it to the end of this i'm surprised but, thank you.

Hopefully it all made sense being that its 4am....i'll probably find errors tomorrow and correct them.

Have a good holiday weekend all!

(The professional pictures were taken by our wonderful friend Tyler de Haan in Novemeber and we have that last one hanging in our entry way. Thanks Ty, we really love them)

Tell Kerra to update the blog... this is just getting ridiculous...

Growing and Changing

Lets just face it, i'm not very good at blogging. O well....over time maybe it will get better as it may help me remain sane. Whatever that means. Please be patient while I write a very long possibly boring post. Mainly for memory sake because I'm not very good at keeping journals either.

No this post is not titled growing and changing because I am about to announce i'm pregnant. That is the furthest thing from our minds at this point in our lives. Some women can handle their children 2 years apart but those women do not have Phoenix as a child HA.

Either way, our baby has gone from a "baby" to a toddler in such a short amount of time. He is so smart and very very active and keeps us going from sun up to sun down. We love him so much and couldn't ever imagine our lives without him. We never knew how much you could love someone so much until we had Phoenix. Its the greatest thing!

We are trying to enjoy our lives as much as possible right now. I'm working doing hair and jetblue close to full time. In our spare time we are enjoying our neighborhood very much. We have made some great friends here and continue to build wonderful friendships.

Here are a few pictures from the summer that has FLOWN by!

We love to go play at the pool with our friends

(I hope you don't care I posted these pictures, in case you do I won't mention names since we can't see your face :D )

Phoenix enjoys it when daddy lets him sit next to him in the passenger seat or even in his lap in the drivers seat! He thinks its the funnest thing ever but of course he doesn't ever really ride that way!

He loves going outside. Every day he will go to the back door and reach up to the handle and say out out out. I don't know what we are going to do come winter when I can't let him go outside everyday! He gets so excited when I pull out the stroller right before a walk. He runs around and dances and runs to the door and trys to open it. He is so darn cute!

We have a walkway behind the houses that we always let him out of his stroller and he just walks along side us the whole way. He just loves it!

There have been a few occassions where i've gotten him way to tired at the pool and he is just to tired to even eat his lunch.Richard and I both celebrated our birthdays this summer.We didn't do anything to exciting but, we just enjoy spending time together as much as we can no matter what we are doing.I love our neighborhood. There are always kids outside playing. Since Phoenix is always wanted to go out we've let him play with the kids outside a few times. This is one of Phoenix' new friends. She took him on a ride in that little Barbie car of hers. So, thats pretty much our summer in a nutshell. I'll update a little more later. Things are only getting busier for our family. Richard is going to start going back to school in the Fall. He also enjoys going to a fitness Krav Maga class in Lehi 3 days a week. And I enjoy it to ;).I've just been called to be in the Young Women's Presidency in our ward which I'm really excited about. I am a little nervous but, I am priveledged to have been chosen for such a call. Wish us luck!

Is it to late to resuscitate?!

No, I haven't forgotten about our blog. I really miss our blog in fact. And, of course I could have updated it but, it would be without words. Thats because our personal computer broke somehow. Maybe it was the stress of all the moves we made. I don't know but, we haven't had a way to upload our pictures to the computer and the only computers we use daily is our work computers. Hence why we have been MIA from the blogging world the past 2 months. For Valentines day I got a brand new camera!! I love it! With that camera came a nice little cord that plugs in to the computer! So, this morning I thought I would try to upload picture to my work computer and it worked! So, I am going to start updating our blog alot more!! Since the last time we posted alot has happened. We moved into our new home which we love! We did quite a bit of remodeling before we moved in and finally on New Years Eve we had our first night here. We were so exhausted that we went to sleep at about 10pm and didn't even stay up to celebrate 2009!! O well, there is always next year! When we bought our townhome there was linolium in the kitchen and bathroom and carpet in the dining area, entry way, living room and even in the master bathroom! The walls were white and the cabinets were a light brown color. So, we replaced all of the flooring downstairs to wood. In the entry way and in the bathrooms we put tile and then sanded, primed and painted the cabinets! We also painted the kitchen to a very light blue (its kinda hard to tell from the picture) and Phoenix' room. I will never remodel again! We didn't even do that much but holy cow it was alot of work! Here are a few pictures of our new home!

entry way

living room Dining area kitchen Phoenix' room
Master bath

We absolutely love our new neighborhood and new home! We couldn't be happier with our decision! Our neighbors are very nice and friendly! We also love our new ward! Although we can never really pay much attention during church we love going each week. Which is something new to us!! HAHA If we aren't trying to entertain Phoenix there is always someone else's child that is running around so, it is hard to pay attention but, we still enjoy it! Phoenix is getting used to the new schedule to. He normally takes a nap around 10 and since our church is at 9, he usually misses his morning nap. If we are lucky we can get him to fall asleep!

Yes, i did take a picture during Sunday school! I don't think anyone noticed though haha.

As for Phoenix he is getting so big and has got so much personality! He is so so close to walking and almost has 6 teeth! He will be 10 months old tomorrow! He loves music and has so much fun dancing to every song he hears even the hyms at church!

Richard and I are loving every minute of him! He is normally very very easy going and goes with the flow with wherever we take him or whatever we have him do! We go to costco atleast once a week and he is such a little charmer to everyone there!

He has been starting this really annoying thing that he wants to be more independent. He never really wants us to give him food or feed him, if we do no matter what it is he will spit it out. Even if it is something I know he likes! We had spaghetti 2 nights ago and he would not let me feed him. He doesn't understand that some things are just not finger foods and you have to use a spoon to eat it! So, I decided to try and let him just feed himself. Although spaghetti is not an easy finger food it didn't stop him from eating one little noddle at a time and also making a huge mess! He has also learned how to climb stairs very very well!

As for Richard and I we are loving our time together and with Phoenix. We love watching the Bachelor and I have told myself that I will not be sucked into that darn show next season. We also love watching 24 and the Office! Richard is really enjoying his new Xbox that I got him for Christmas. He is also loving that I don't complain as much as I used to when he plays Xbox live until 1am with his friends! He is working at a gun store (FBMG) part time to support his hobby. In 2 weeks I will be attending a concealed weapons permit class. So, that means that when Richard is not around I will carry a gun which will make me feel alot safer. Its something I have thought long and hard about. I am so exited for the spring to come and to be able to go outside!!! We have a little park right behind our house!! I also have started to really enjoy cooking! I love to go to this recipe blog. Erica (the author of the blog) is such a great cook! We love making everything from Cafe Rio pork salad to wingers sticky fingers (and if you say these things cannot be replicated you are very mistaken!) We also really love her recipe for Balsamic Asparagus Chicken. Anyway, I don't even know the girl I just stumbled upon her blog and have been going to it atleast 4 times a week for my recipes!! We have tried so many of her recipes that I could go on about how wonderful every single one of them are! Anway, the point is I have been enjoying to cook! I have also been doing alot more hair lately which I am very happy about! If you got all the way to the end of this, thanks for reading our blog :) I will update it more. I promise!!

Update on the house!!

On Friday we closed, earlier than expected on our townhouse! We are really excited. Although, we aren't going to be moving until like the 30th it is well worth the wait. That is because we are going to do all the painting before we move all of our things in and also we are getting hardwood done on the main level and tile in all of the bathrooms!!! We are so exited. I have this little picture in my head of how I want it to look! We have ALOT of painting to do! I am finally going to be able to decorate a nursery for Phoenix!! So, that is first on my list along with giving it 2 toned paint throughout which is going to be ALOT of work! Then we will paint the kitchen. I don't know what else yet. But, I have my work cut out for me. Anyone like to paint? I would enjoy the company!
I know some of you have asked to see pictures. I will post pictures once everything is moved in, decorated and settled. Which, I won't lie will be atleast a 2-3 weeks. But, I promise I will do it!

Finally!

Finally we have a closing date! The 22nd!! Its about time! This has been a long road and we are so ready to be settled. We will be painting and cleaning before we move and then after Christmas we'll be moving in! We will be praying that everything goes smoothly!
This is LONG overdue!

Lessons in life

There are some experiences in life that happen that make us stop and think, ponder our motives and actions day to day. This week we have had the unfortunate oppurtunity to learn a valuable lesson and to have something happen that will be in our hearts and minds forever Something that makes us want to be a better person day to day.

The day before Thanksgiving Richard discovered that one of his best friend from high school had passed on. This was a huge shock to both of us. He hadn't talked to his friend in quite a while. Life just got the best of the both of them and never found the time to get together. He recently had found out that his friend had gotten involved drugs. To Richard this just didn't seem like him and he didn't believe it. It wasn't until the next day that we actually found out what had happened. This newly found addiction had overpowered him and he couldn't get a handle on it. He was becoming a person that he didn't want to be. A person he never wanted to become. He had been in rehab for the last 2 months. He wasn't making any progress. He was kicked out and headed home. A home that would have loved to have had him but only wanted him if he was clean. So, as hard as it was his wife told him that he couldn't stay. That night he took his own life.

I wish that I would have gotten to know him better. I wish that there wasn't regret for not staying in touch or for not being there for him in his time of need. Why do things like this have to happen for us to realize how precious our lives actually are and to realize how lucky we are from day to day not to have the adversary tempting us as strongly as he did to his friend. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. You can't even be certain that the one you love will come home at night. What if something were to happen? Have you told them how much they mean to you? The last time you saw or talked to them did you tell them you loved them?

It doesn't matter if we don't have a place to live. It doesn't matter even if we don't have a home for Christmas. We are lucky to have family like my sister Erin willing and able to help us with a place to live while we are "homeless" and living out of a suitcase. I feel very lucky to be have my wonderful husband and a healthy beautiful son to share my life with everyday.

As for us, we still don't have a house to live in. The home that we put an offer on in Riverton was not accepted although we offered over asking price someone offered more. We are still on the hunt. I really wanted to be able to be in a home for Christmas since I wasn't able to put up my own tree or decorate for Christmas last year but, it doesn't look like thats happening. Erin bought a condo in daybreak (South Jordan) with 3 bedrooms so, she invited us to stay there until we found a house.

Phoenix is growing up so much!! He has 2 teeth coming in and hes crawling all over the place. Although, he'd rather crawl to something and pull straight up!! Poor little guys has bumps and bruises all over his head because he likes to get into EVERYTHING and will try and pull up on everything and then let go!! I'm sorry we don't have our actual computer so we haven't been able to upload any pictures! I just have my work computer for now. But, here are some recent pictures of Phoenix from my phone.